This post is entirely based on the fact that I want Penn Holderness to stick his dick in me. However, he is happily married and I haven't knowingly slept with anyone in a relationship since an alternately enjoyable and concerning incident when I lived in Cambridge that involved bondage tape, leg restraints and hair washing.
And I don't plan on doing it again.
Anyway
He made a video about ADHD life hacks and some of them are really helpful for BPD. Or they would be if I'd slept in the past 5 days and had the mental capacity to implement them. So I thought that I'd create a list of BPD life hacks, despite hating the phrase life hacks but, as I said in the title, Daddy.
Buy in bulk
Be prepared to break and lose everything, you will break and lose everything. You can find pretty standard sunglasses, key chains, gloves etc online/in stores for like 2 bucks so stock up.
Except don't go to stores if you don't have to you selfish cunt, because of Covid.
BONUS ROUND. If you also hate yourself and your body, be on the lookout for magazines with free sunnies. You can simultaneously protect your eyes and destroy your soul.
Accept that you may never find love
I have great friends around me and an amazing husband, but the thought of dating makes me want to go all Lucifer circa LillyMan86 and cut my own vocal cords. I don't like being around people for extended periods of time, I hate sharing my bed and I'm a completely selfish bitch, and that's okay. The sooner you accept the fact that you may die alone the better, then you can move on and get a hamster.
BONUS ROUND PT 2. Unless, of course, you're like me and your fear of abandonment extends to being afraid of randomly finding your pets dead or whatever. Then maybe get some Sea Monkeys.
Still a thing btw
Let people know
There will be days when you don't want to talk to anyone, turn your phone off and sleep all day, and that's fine. Just let someone know. Otherwise, you may be woken up at 2 am by phone calls from your Mumma's boyfriend because you may have once left her a voicemail telling her you'd written your suicide note and she thought you'd offed yourself.
Which totally didn't happen last week btw
It's fucking embarrassing, get over it
You will make a complete twat of yourself at times. For instance, you may release a YouTube video calling out a family member out for once telling you that you should be in therapy for being such a cunt. You may message someone telling them your aforementioned suicide note. Or you may post a video of yourself singing a cover of Cherry Bomb by The Runaways online with one of your tits hanging out. You have to get over this sense of shame, that way you'll have more time for your Sea Monkeys.
Embrace your weird obsessions
I am weirdly obsessed with grammar, I'm like Aunt Josephine from The Wide Window A Series of Unfortunate Events book. I also once watched The Riot Club and convinced myself no one loved me because I didn't own tinted lip balm and therefore had to go and get some in order to find love. I also once spent a good amount of time researching gastric band surgery because I was convinced I was eligible. You will get obsessed with things, some of these obsessions will stick, some will go. But hey, better to be obsessed with grammar than self-harming, right.
Also, I'm not eligible for gastric band surgery, in case you were wondering.
So, to summarise; bulk, content, dying alone, embarrassment, obsessions, sea monkeys, daddy.
xXx
