Somewhere new

I haven't blogged in a while because I still maintain my fear and insecurity that if no one reads my blog then there is no point in writing it. I've moved my posts back to my previous blog which people actually read to make myself feel a little better, but what it's more important that I stop worrying about what other people think of my writing and just get on with it. 

The last few months have been intense, even by my standards. When I returned from my trip I moved back to Darwin, despite realising that it really wasn't what I wanted. I knew when I left that when I finished my trip I would either want to stay in Darwin forever or never go back again. Turns out it was the latter and leaving Berlin was harder than usual. One of the reasons I didn't want to go back was the fact that the job I had when I returned was no longer available. My feelings towards unemployment are well known and one night before I went to my favourite techno club I sent what can only be described as an honest job application. I didn't care. All I wanted was to apply for any job I could so I didn't have to go back to Darwin with no income. Especially because I had been told I would have an income when I went back to Norther Territory. 

Once back in Darwin I continued my quest for a job and, somehow, managed to secure a position as an assistant manger at an Hotel in what can only be described as the middle of wank ass nowhere. After a brief stint as a bartender at a karaoke bar where I was fired without warning in old-age method of just refusing to give someone hours,  I packed up my shit and moved to Nhulunbuy.

I hated it. The people were nice but the most exciting things that happened throughout my time there was meeting a cockatoo that I named Colin and fed rice cakes on my balcony. I could work out and go to the library, but that was fucking it. I tried, I really really tried, but when I was constantly being undermined by one of my own staff members, struggled with numbers and was reported to HR for an issue that didn't happen on the premises, I realised it was time to go. 

Nhulunbuy is tiny. There are less people living there than the village my mum lives in and the airport is so small that next year they are planning on moving it to the other side of the road. As you can imagine, this airport doesn't fly to many places and given that I didn't want to return to Darwin and that I'm not part of any indigenous community and therefore can not live in Groote Eylandt, Cairns was the only other option. 

And that's how I found myself in Queensland. For the first time in a good 7 and a half years I'm actually living in a place that I'd previously visited, although I don't know if a weekend long vacation two years ago really count. So far I like it here, it's easy to get around, the library is beautiful and aside from the fact that there are even more licensing requirements, which is making finding employment difficult, it's pretty nice. I even have a sweet gig cleaning a hostel for free accommodation and gym use. But, even with all of this, I don't know if I want to stay. 

Darwin was the last "city" I lived in and it was tiny. Before that I lived in Sydney, Melbourne and Toronto and I miss living in places where there are actually things to do. I've agreed to work for a month from my arrival in this hostel, and I'm planning on giving it until the beginning of March to see if I want to stay. I've applied for 61 jobs/bars so far and have only received 4 responses, I have an interview today and I'm holding out hope that it goes well because I'm starting to fall back hating myself for not having a job. If nothing turns up by the end of the month I'll be leaving Cairns, whether that's a good thing or not I don't know. 

Stay safe on the road

J

Minimalism, Pt 1.

One of the things I've discovered since I started travelling is that I don't like "stuff". I can't stand clutter and I'm finding a lot of comfort at the moment through knowing that I want everything that I have.

This isn't anything to do with the KonMari method, although I have read her book and attempted and failed to watch her Netflix show, it's more a case of feeling weighed down by the negative connotations associated with having my life filled with things that don't benefit me. Clothes I don't wear, half used bottles of shampoo, earrings to which I've lost the matching pair and will never wear again. It becomes very stressful at times and I needed to find a way of streamlining what I had in order to feel relaxed, and so I've decided to put together a little series of posts on how I'm reintroducing minimalism into my life.

I first discovered minimalism through Conor McMillen and Brittany Taylor. Inspired by their oh-so-covetable life of living a nomadic lifestyle, I realised that I needed to feel more free in order to feel content, which was the exact opposite of what was happening when I looked at my possessions.

That isn't to say I'm particularly good at de-cluttering. My husband always says that my major clear-outs often lead to me chucking things I need and then replacing them days later. In the heat of the moment I become ruthless, but still have a hard time letting go of things that I really don't use or need.

My shoes, you will never get me out of my shoes.

Attempting to find a balance between the two is difficult, and has become more and more apparent since I've settled down in Toronto. I know that I want to reach a middle ground with finding what I need and what I want, but it's going to be a slightly longer process than I hoped.

That's why I'm revisiting my minimalist journey. Lately I've found myself buying things I don't need or use and so I need to address not only what I'm buying, but why I'm buying it. I've also been procrastinating a lot lately, and I'm hoping that finding clarity with the things and thoughts that are clogging my head will help me push through what's stopping me from sitting down and writing and allow me to find relaxation in putting fingers to keyboard again.

Here's hoping.

xXx