Thursday, 22 November 2018

No more apologies

Can you tell my BPD is shot to shit at the moment? Can you?

For the past 12 or so hours, I've been in the anger phase of BPD. I'm fucking furious and want to hit, punch and scratch things until I feel better. Luckily, contrary to popular belief, I'm actually a functioning member of society and so I'm not going to do so.

One of the things that's pissing me off at the moment is that I'm fucking fed up of apologizing for my BPD. Am I an axe  murderer? No. Do I put small children in bags and throw them in rivers? Also no. So why am I expected to apologise as if I do?

All I really do is feel things. FEEL THINGS. Last time I checked emotions are relatively common thing across multiple species, so why are mine such a big deal? Maybe I fall for people quickly, maybe I have a significantly shorter temper than most, but this doesn't make me the monster that people think I am. Why, WHY, am I expected to apologize for something that, relatively speaking, isn't that much of a big deal. And, more to the point, I physically can't control. Would you constantly expect a person on crutches to say sorry? No. Then why the fuck am I expected to.

Something tells me this angry phase is going to last a while. It's currently swimming around my brain with cripplingly low self-esteem and an all-consuming desire for someone to love me, so the chances of it taking complete control are roughly 1 in 3, but I'll keep you updated.

Oh, and I'm not manipulative either, so that sweeping symptom of BPD can suck my fucking dick.


No comments:

Post a comment