Fixing

Aside from Kat Dealey, feature walls and people who claim to be afraid of small holes, nothing pisses me off more than people trying to 'fix' me.

Actually, fixing and Kat Dealey are probably the same, the rest are just afterthoughts*.

I get this ALL. THE. TIME. People close to me treating me like they're my carers instead of my friends and family, acting like I'm this volatile bomb that could explode any minute. What they don't understand is that, by treating me like a fuck up, I feel like a fuck up, and so am more inclined to do things that they would consider to be the behaviour of a fuck up.

See the irony here.

I'm not broken, I'm not a mess, I'm a human being. I don't need to be looked after, cared for or treated like an inmate at a high-security prison, and being treated this way is wearing me down.

For years I was treated like a bad person, screamed at, shouted at, called mean, hurtful and fat, all of the things that slowly grind yourself esteem into the ground. These are hard thoughts to shake off and, as Julia Roberts says in Pretty Woman if people put you down enough you start to believe them.

This earth crushingly low self-esteem and constantly being treated like a fuck up is killing me, really and truly killing me. I can't keep crying, I can't keep hating myself and, most of all, I can't keep apologising for who I am.

I'm a good person, one who can and does look after herself and is in no way in need of a carer, and I have a good life. So, for the love of deep fried fuck,  I need the people who treat me otherwise to please please PLEASE stop. You have no idea what it's doing to me.

And if you can't, I direct you towards the words of Kellin Quinn and Sleeping With Sirens, who I once watched wrestling with along with Pierce the Veil. I told you my life is awesome.

xXx

*There's no such thing as a phobia of small holes, suck it the fuck up.