Things I, personally, can't do as a borderline

This list is entirely subjective, but it's what applies to my own experience with BPD. Enjoy.

I can't have any pets

You know how everything dies? Like everything. As someone with BPD the thought of either a) finding a dead pet or b) forming a loving attachment to something that is, by nature, not going to live as long as me, is not a good one. Yes, the idea of having a cat or a rabbit or a dog is lovely. But is it worth the BPD episode I would have and the lifelong pain I would experience when it died? No. Nothing is. 

I can't form casual relationships

This is a very raw and recent one, as in today recent. I met a girl, she's amazing. She's beautiful and smart and caring and respectful and, were I staying in Canada, I would do anything to be with her, but I'm not. Today I had to tell her that I can't see her anymore because I'm leaving. There wasn't a single chance on earth that I wouldn't fall for her, especially during the yearly trifecta of hell. Normally I would let it carry on, knowing I would be in pain because I thought I deserved it. But it's not just about me, I owed her the respect to be honest. And that's what I had to do. 

I gave up a woman I knew one day I could love because of my BPD, and that's why it's fucking shit. 

I can't have access to excess medication 

Last week I didn't sleep for four days. Eventually, I went to my doctor because I laughed hysterically for two hours because I didn't have any ribbon. 

I get weird when I'm tired. 

Anyway, I had them for one night, then crushed two of them up the next day and snorted them and knocked the other two back. Within less than 48 hours. I can't be near any drugs that I don't essentially need. I was thinking of picking my medication up early but I know I'd overdose and then not have them when I need them, so that can wait. 

I can't have access to sharp objects 

Fun fact, it is difficult to self-harm with standard kitchen knives. That's because standard everyday knives are sharp enough to cut through the skin. Same with most drug store razors, unless you find the really cheap ones that you can pull apart. Craft knives aren't that great either, they break.  The most successful method of self-harm is with those rectangular razors.

Anyway

To combat this I've started using a brand of razor I used as a teenager, it has some weird soap attached to it but I can't be bothered to research the name. Regardless, you can't get the blade out. So I can be hair-free (ish) and not cut.

That doesn't mean I don't want to though.

I can't be an air hostess

I don't want to, but you can't be an air hostess with self-harm scars. 

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